A Dragon in Sheep's Clothing» Humor

The lawyer and the senior

Heidi — Fri, 18 Feb 2011 18:09:53 +0000

A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easy.

So the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.

The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists saying that the game is a lot of fun. I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me one, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500, he says.

This catches the senior’s attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. ‘What’s the distance from the Earth to the Moon?’

The senior doesn’t say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now it’s the senior’s turn. He asks the lawyer, ‘What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?’

The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he could find on the Net.

He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.

He wakes the senior and hands him $500. The senior pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, ‘Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?’

The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.

Aaron Rogers – Secret Jedi

Heidi — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 15:51:39 +0000

via sports . failblog . org

Kittehs

Heidi — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 15:40:58 +0000

Funny, but gross… but funny

Heidi — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 03:49:11 +0000

So, a half hour ago, I’m sitting on my loveseat in the living room, and up from behind the ottoman against the wall crawls a very fat centipede. Blech! He’s just over an inch long, all legs and tall knees, and very fat.

I get up slowly from the loveseat — slowly so I won’t scare the thing away; ever notice how good their peripheral senses are? — to get a shoe. I choose my black boot since it has a nice big heel and enough flat tread to effectively smoosh.

I sneak up, take aim, and BAM! The heel hitting the wall sounds like a gunshot.

Now all this happened fairly quickly, so let’s set up the sequence again.

Centipede crawls out and stops. I slowly get up, pick up a boot, sneak back, and bam! When the boot falls away, I see:

IT EXPLODED!

And I laugh hysterically. So hard that I cough.

And my cat is hiding behind the dining room table because the gunshot out of nowhere must have scared his whiskers white.

And I laugh some more. Not at the cat, at the exploded centipede. I’m grossed out, but I’m still laughing.

I did find the body, by the way. It was a limp worm about 2 feet from the wall. Gross.

But really funny.

Okay, now back to your regularly scheduled day.

*snicker*