This must be where my brother and I picked up “if goose is geese, then moose is meese” when we were kids. I’ve seen this poem attributed to Dr. Seuss in some places, but haven’t found anything to confirm that. This version is from the book “Creative Writing: for people who can’t not write” by Kathryn Lindskoog, published in 1989 by Zondervan.
We’ll start out with box. The plural is boxes.
But the plural of ox should be oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, and two are called geese,
But the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a mouse or a whole nest of mice,
But the plural of house is just houses, not hise.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?
Cows in the plural may be called cows or kine,
But a bow, if repeated, is never called bine.
And the plural of vow is vows, not vine.
If I speak of a foot, you show me two feet;
If I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?
If the singular’s this and the plural is these,
Why isn’t the plural of kiss always kese?
And the one may be that and two may be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose;
And the plural of cat is just cats and not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
Then speak of a mother, but never of methren.
The masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But the feminine are never she, shis and shim.
So English appears, and I think you’ll agree,
The funniest language that we’ll ever see.